Can we talk AFTER the game? (She)

NO, we most certainly can not. Like WTF???? How can watching a bunch of millionaires run around a field in expensive, tight-fitting outfits be more important than our relationship? Yes, I get that this is one of the ways in which you unwind but talking to me should be just as great, if not better.

Spending quality time with your woman should be a priority, not the thing you do when you think that you have nothing better to do. Remaining each other’s best friend is something we should work on every single day; it takes hard work to keep a relationship strong. Whether or not I have something important to say at that moment is inconsequential, I cannot be expected to accept that I come second to some game, when your best friend call, you answer immediately and proceed to devote 100% of your attention to them until they are done. That’s how this should work.

Lest I come off as a self-absorbed ninny who enjoys pestering you for no reason, let me make something clear. If at this moment you were saving lives, finding the cure to killer diseases, solving world hunger or doing anything on which the survival of ourselves or other people was dependent, then of course whatever I had to say could wait.

However, since you are content to spend your time watching other people do something that they get paid astounding sums of money for so that they can then go out and have even more amazing experiences with their loved ones, (experiences that you do not get to be a part of, regardless of how many hours of watching you accumulate,) then I reserve the right to commandeer your attention from such a futile waste of time at any moment, whenever there is something to be discussed which I believe actually affects us.

Sure I watch the game with you sometimes and sometimes it is actually fun. Usually, at the times when you don’t take every foul as a personal affront towards you and carry on as though your livelihood depended on it. News Flash: it doesn’t. In fact, their livelihood depends on you, you have the power. There would be no billion-dollar sports franchises and organizations if you and others like you had not been sold the story that this was all somehow an important part of what makes you a man.

Don’t get me wrong, I love sports. Athletes are great! It is wonderful to watch human beings who are in top physical shape, doing amazing things while I’m sitting on the couch, holding a beer. I enjoy that as much as the next person. The whole experience is awesome.

But let me say this again, in case you missed it the first time, nothing and I mean nothing, should be more important than us. No, we can not talk after the game because at this moment, we are in a relationship and building that should be the priority and a big part of that is communication. Therefore, if at any moment I had something to say to you, it should take precedence over anything else you could be doing, with the exception of saving lives or moving humanity forward. If you are doing none of the above, then I am free to cut it. Now please switch the game off, darling, I’d like to talk to you. Thanks!